Saturday, February 7, 2015

It was a dark and stormy war...

"It was a hot day in Iraq. The Brian was trapped in the Chinook bored to tears. He just knew as a grizzled war correspondent that there were urgent stories on the ground that needed reporting now. He stood up, wiped a sheen of sweat from his tanned brow and strode towards the hatch of the Chinook. He grabbed a spare parachute from the loadmaster and jumped out. Parachuting down straight into the insurgents command headquarters he strode right up and demanded to see the head terrorist guy, whatever his name was. Brian negotiated a cease fire using only the force of his news anchor personality. When he heard that one of the insurgents was firing RPG's at the helicopter convoy he had just jumped out of he promptly grabbed the weapon and gave the dastardly man an RPG right through the chest. He tossed the weapon down and jogged off to find the now downed Chinook. Quickly he rendered first aid to the injured crew, donating several pints of his own blood to the wounded. Then he set about repairing the Chinooks' blown hydraulic lines using his bare hands and some spare videotape.

The next month the President awarded Brian the Medal of Honor in a secret Rose Garden ceremony. It was kept secret for fear of exposing the Brian's role in defeating the terrorists and winning the war for our side."

- ArthurVandelay [an online pseudonym]